Naive me

< Qualities I lacked in my early 20s >

I am 26.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I lived my life of 26 years.

There are a few things I realized.

1. People have been working their ass off while I bitched / daydreamed / chased my crush.

2. Number 1 sounds like I’ve wasted my time. But I didn’t.

It takes years of practice and efforts to learn something and be good at it. Your early 20s is the best time to do it because you have physical / social / creative / and most importantly wreckless (naive) energy. When I look back into my early 20s, which was just a few years ago, I was fearless. My youth fueled my energy for doing whatever, I was able to experiment stupid ideas, turn them into reality. Like delivering chocolates with drone or asking questions to homeless people. Anything was possible with friends, time, and money from my parents. So why am I reflecting on this? Why am I so bummed?

Qualities I lacked in my early 20s are Goals / Purpose / Determination / Dedication / Hard work.

I felt comfortable with the financial support of my parents, and social circles, and myself. I was content with the present. I didn’t really care to seriously ponder my career or goals in general. Most importantly, I didn’t cultivate my interests.

Ever since I was little, I loved making videos. Getting new ideas and turning them into reality was exciting. I knew I had a talent for it especially when everyone praised my work in middle school. Making video was exhailarting. Everyone told me I was good at this, I should really pursue this. But my ego was already too high at that point. I thought I didn’t even have to try for it, I thought I didn’t have to wake up at 5'o clock in the morning and hustle learning how to make videos. I thought one day, one of my casually made video would receive the magical attention from this world and everyone would know how creative / funny / talented I was. While I was waiting for the world to notice me for last 10 years, making videos became insanely popular and the world noticed those who actually tried and made it happen.

While I comfort myself with the idea that many older people still don’t know their passion and work like hamser in a cage everyday, I still feel lost and compare myself to others. Uncertainty makes me anxious but there’s a few things I should do for sure.

1. Exercise

2. Take free online video class and make videos

3. Live the present without regrets.

My half of 20s is over but I still got another half left. I just gotta do it.